Tuesday, April 6, 2010

You too, could look like this!

My workout buddy says to me, “Just spoke to a trainer from your gym on the phone, want to do a Metabolic training class with me on Tuesday? You will burn 11 calories a minute and keep your metabolism going for at least 4 hours afterwards.”

Now you could tell me that spreading maple syrup on my thighs would make me skinny at this point and I’d probably buy it (not to mention the hours of entertainment it would bring) – so you can imagine my enthusiasm when she asked me this.  “YES! OMG YES! I’m so there! What time?” 

Six o’clock in the morning comes really early when you have to be somewhere.  Worse, it comes even earlier when you regret telling your BFF that her idea, was indeed, a good idea.  I’m gullible. 

Mind you, I have no idea what I’m in for at this point, but given my past experiences on working out I had full intentions of using the elevator after the class in the event that my body required a gurney. 

Boys and girls, today I learned how to stretch. Properly.

Our trainer ‘went easy on us’ today and introduced us to what will eventually be our “warm up”, which consists of a list of 15 exercises geared towards core, hip and shoulder joint stuff.  For lack of a better term.  In the hour that I was there, we did squats, planks, “eggrolls” – here you tuck your legs in, wrap your arms around your legs and fall back rolling on your back and then back up.  As a kid, you could do this for hours; as an adult, I swear I popped every disc in my back out.  But don’t worry, this is good for you!  I learned that I cannot do backwards lunges, I fall over.

I also learned that my hips haven’t been this challenged since I gave birth 10 years ago.

He didn’t even introduce weights to our program today.  I’m not positive, but it might have been the panting coming from the back of room (me) and the pure lack of enthusiasm painted all over my face.  Just a hunch.  It really wasn’t that bad.  I’m just that out of shape.  I have no choice but to show up tomorrow since Ginger (my BFF, I’ve decided that’s her new name) and I were the only ones there under the age of 60.  Mrs. Cunningham (she looks just like the Happy Days Mom) who was there was doing better than I was, and being the competitive, compulsive person that I am, simply cannot allow her to show me up.  I’m such a tyrant.

In all the walk/run’s, failed attempts at running a full mile, the Tae Bo’s, working out until I vomit and other fun stories, I have never been so motivated as I am right now.  Granted, it could be the major overdose of endorphins that were released or quite possibly, the supplements I inhaled earlier.  I’m like that annoying housewife that sits up late at night watching the QVC channel purchasing anything and everything that “guarantees” no wrinkles, skinny thighs, better sex or bigger boobs; except for me my QVC is workout trends. 
If someone “guarantees” results, I’m there!  Sign me up, color me stupid and give me a Snuggie – woo hoo!  You would not believe the amount of workout videos I have collecting dust because I was promised to look like Jillian Michaels or Cindy Crawford.  Yes, I bought her video.  Don’t judge me.  However, the reality is, they don’t work because I’m an “instant gratification” girl and when I’m unable to shit out 20 pounds after my first attempt, up on the shelf it goes.  Hey, at least I’m honest.

This new trend won’t last either.  Not because I’m a pessimist, but because I don’t have $300 a month to pay this trainer to make me beautiful.  So Ginger and I will do our “trial” period that was promised to us, and it will back to the ‘drawing board’.

For now, I like this new class, and I look forward to the challenge.


  1. I would say this was a great post, but to be honest, I was unable to concentrate after "spreading maple syrup on my thighs."

  2. So was I! I'm glad that didn't really happen.


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