Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!




I apologize ahead of time if this is too much information.

I endured my 2nd workout with Ginger today.  It was, by far, more painful than yesterday’s workout and if my legs had a mouth of their own, they would be screaming profanities at me right now.

Going to the bathroom has turned out to be my biggest challenge today.  The day isn’t even over and I know this for sure.  I just experienced, quite possibly, the most embarrassing thing ever, yet it’s too funny not to share.

So us girls have to squat to pee, and while that’s amusing to some folks, it’s not funny when you have no functionality of your quads, hamstrings, buttocks or calves.  It took me longer to sit down on the throne than it did to actually do my business.  While in the process of finishing up, I realized, it hurts too much to stand.  So I sat there.

And waited. 

I don’t know, for an invitation or something because I could not bring myself to stand up.  I did a couple of birthing breaths (hee hee whoooo, hee hee whooo) and in one swift motion I leaned forward and kept going.  Off the toilet, face into the wall, bare ass up in the air.  What’s really bad, is I looked around afterwards to make sure no one saw it.  Yes because I invite people in to witness my tinkling techniques.  WTF?

Realizing that just happened I reached for my towel bar and hoisted myself up.  I turned around and glared at the toilet as if it somehow grew arms and pushed me off, flushed, cleaned myself up and exited the bathroom.

I called my fianc√© to tattle on myself.  He’s my biggest fan.

“Honey, I did something so stupid just now – and what’s really bad? I’m going to blog about it.”

Him: “What did you do now?”

So, I proceeded to tell him what transpired in the bathroom.  Silence.  Then his response.

“So . . . you fell off the toilet?”

“YES!”

“How do you do that?”

“I tried pushing off of my knees with my hands and fell over!”

“You’re pants still around your ankles?”

“YES!”

“Way to go ‘Humpty Dumpty’.” 

We had a good laugh.  And as mortifying as it is, it was so worth telling him. 

That’s all for now.  Talk amongst yourselves.  I’m going to go bedazzle my helmet.

2 comments:

  1. Maybe you could invest in crossword puzzles to leave in the bathroom like old men so you have something to do while waiting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your post is too funny!! I am not laughing at your pain but the pictures in my mind. I see a Charlie Chaplain scene. I am glad I found that comment button.
    Peace to you,
    Iris

    ReplyDelete

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