Thursday, April 8, 2010

Feelin' a little 'catty'

“I’m rubber and you’re glue, everything you say, bounces off me and sticks to you!”

Yes, I’m 12 today. 

I’m feeling a little ‘catty’ and not sure why.  It all started when I saw how cute Kelly Ripa looked today and also how thin she is (skinny bitch) and I decided that she really needs to eat a Cinnabon.  I’m not being ugly, I’m just saying out loud what most women are thinking.

What happens when men see other men (mostly celebrity men) on a magazine or T.V. show?  Do random 12-year-old comments come out of their mouths?  I can’t remember ever witnessing my fiancé saying “Wow, Tiger, eat a cupcake”.  Men just don’t do that.  Or do they?  I’m genuinely curious.  I know women do.  Oh my gosh, I could write a novel on how incredibly mean and spiteful women can be.  And it starts at such a young age and it is picked up somewhere around the training-bra stage and most women don’t grow out of it.  I’m just as guilty. I’m finding, as an adult, cattiness is a learned behavior.  Regardless if it is the parents who are spoon-feeding their tyrants or if it is the media, and it is largely due to my distaste for mouthy little twits who’s vocabulary maxes out at “OMG” and the gossip media.

It’s the small things that can put me into a bad mood.  If I’m out of coffee creamer, if my mirror lies to me and tells me I’m thin, then my pants have to bring me back to reality and have a ‘sit-down’ with me. Even my local news channel can make me catty.  Yet, I still watch it.  Why? 

Men don’t like something, they just don’t deal with it, they have this ability to shut things out and go on with their lives.  Women don’t do that.  We have to analyze it, break it down, knead it, beat it, patti-cake it and shove it up some unsuspecting person’s ass.  (Hiss)

I truly believe this stems from years of bullying and nastiness when I was younger. When I was 11 I went to a public grade school where I first experienced “mean girls”.

I looked like this:

(Please refer to this post for more on why I was channeling a 10-year old boy, rather than a cute little girl.)

Anyway, from the age of 10 until the age of 16, I was taunted over my looks.  I heard it all, and as hard as I tried to come up with some witty comeback, all that would come out of my mouth is “Oh yeah, well you’re  - mean!”  I didn’t learn how to be spiteful with my words until I visited my first Wal-Mart.

I eventually grew up to be quite mouthy.  You’re shocked, I know.  I am too, to be honest.  But I am working on my inner bitch, and she’s learning that sometimes it’s not ‘ok’ to be so offensive. 

It does happen from time to time.  I really do try to not be so ugly, especially given all the nastiness that’s in the world right now.  See, now I feel bad for my earlier comment.

I’m sorry Kelly Ripa, I didn’t mean it. 

Ok.  That’s pretty much all for now.  I had to get it out.  I was being a bitch, and now I’m not.  We’ll discuss ‘mood swings’ in my next blog.


  1. You're great!!! I'm loving the frequency of your posts too. Keep up the good work....and keep the laughs coming.

  2. The other day at the gym, there was a girl on the treadmill in front of my cross-trainer. She had perfectly sculpted arms and legs with a nice bronze (fake) tan all over. I was admiring her thinking "Wow... that could be me if I keep at this grueling thing I am putting myself through..." Then she did the ultimate thing to make us normal people hurt deep inside, yes she removed her t-shirt to keep running with only her sport top! Her body was unmistakenly PERFECT! And I thought to myself "she is doing it on purpose!" She was testing all the other women to see what they would do... Ditto on the Ripa chick! She taunts us with her perfect pumped up arms! Does she ever wear sleeves? Nooooo!

    ha ha ha jealousy does help burn away fat, my inner trainer repeats it over and over as a mantra! :o)

    p.s. I love how you link posts together, that is so cool!

  3. Desiree: Thank you! I like you.

    Marie: I KNOW THAT GIRL! She goes to my gym too! Whore! Oops, that was my out loud voice again. She was totally doing it on purpose, that's why I wear 14 layers to the gym, so I can peel them off one at a time and make all the girls jealous!


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