Sore Tooshy, Muscle-Schmuscle and Parking the Catty Wagon

(DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT MY PICTURE, NOR DO I CLAIM ANY RIGHTS TO THIS, I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS F'KING HILARIOUS)

After my “tipping” incident, I took a moment yesterday morning to reflect on the pros and cons of getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to workout.  In a matter of minutes seconds and through deductive reasoning, I was able to resolve that the only exercise my body was going to get was from my couch to my bathroom – and that was it! 

Today?  I begrudgingly showed up for more punishment.  Ginger wasn’t able to go, so here’s how our text convo went afterwards.

Me: Workout was good. We did that weird Tabata training today.  Soon I’ll be able to crack a walnut with my butt cheeks!

Ginger: Ha ha ha!! How are the legs?  Mine are still very unhappy with me.

Me: OH God! Yeah, my squats are looking more like the ‘farting stance’ – not pretty!!!

Ginger: Farting stance complete with facial scrunching???

Me: U Betcha!!! And followed with 4 solid minutes of butt busters (bridges).  I now walk like I have an extra large coke stuck up my ass!

Ginger:  You will have to show me these “butt-busters”.  I want to join the coke up the ass club!!!

Me: My pleasure! But this aint no diet coke!  It’s the BIG GULP of all cokes!

Ginger: (insert visual here)

Ginger: Here’s a funny mental image – me mowing the lawn with my pain-flavored jello legs.

Me, not understanding what she just said:  Pain flanored?  

(yes, that’s how I typed it – I have no excuse)

Ginger: Well it’s not cherry flavored!!!

I realize this may not be at all funny to you, but it was to me. 

Side note ** MY blog!

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Ok, onto more important things, I’ve gained a pound and a half!  WTF CHUCK? 

Weird trainer dude, (he’s weird because he keeps texting me shit like “great workout today” – Really?  I think he’s mocking me, because in my head that translates to “I don’t care if you lick windows, take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself – you hang in there Sunshine, you’re friggen special!”) 

WOW, where was I?  Oh yes, weird trainer dude told us that we will probably gain “muscle” before we actually drop fat. 

Now I’m not a muscle vs. fat guru, but I can tell you, I’ve spent more time in my bathroom these past couple of days than I did prepping for my colonoscopy; and I thought for sure that the extra trips were resulting in fat loss.  I don’t recall picking up extra muscle and slathering it on at anytime during my hourly visits! 

This is bullshit! 

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And last but certainly not least – I promised to talk about ‘mood swings’ today, but I parked the catty wagon and am feeling a bit too chipper.  So we’ll discuss those at a later time.  Say maybe . . . 24 days from now?