Warning: Doesn't Play Well With Others

I’m sure I’m not the only person who doesn’t like telemarketers. And I don’t want to hear any crap about how they are just working to make ends meet. Yes, telemarketers do provide companies the ability to pull in clients. However, give me a telemarketer that speaks English and is from the United States, and I might have more tolerance before I politely decline their offer.

It’s not even 10:30 a.m. yet (well it will be when I finish this post), and I’ve already received 2 phone calls this morning from India. Of course the caller ID doesn’t show India, per say, it will show ‘New Jersey’ or some BS like that, but when I answer it, it’s pretty apparent that it’s India. Why is India calling me? Well because someone thought it would be a good idea to give all the peeps in Delhi telemarketing jobs because they can make $8 an hour over there and live like kings! That’s great, I’m happy for them. Really. However, what I cannot stand is people, especially telemarketers named ‘Srikant’ trying to pull a fast one on me by telling me their name is ‘Brad’. Yeah, and I’m ‘Surhbi’.

First phone call: ‘Brad’ from The Idaho Statesman called wanting to know if I would like to renew my subscription. Again – caller ID said ‘New Jersey’ so I KNOW that New Jersey could give a shit less about our Idaho Statesman newspaper. Now mind you I’m assuming his name was ‘Brad’ because I couldn’t really understand him. In my mind it sounded like “Bread” or “Brud” so I asked him to repeat it. Then when I still couldn’t understand him, I asked him to spell it out. THAT was a mistake.

(Caller)“BEE-OAR-HAY-ZEE, and I’m calling to offer newspipper for limit time.”

HUH??

(Me) “No. I don’t want to renew. Because the last time I had this newspaper some punk teenagers set my paper box under my mailbox on fire in the middle of the night and scorched my mailbox and my newspaper. THEN when I tried to get someone out here to replace it – they just took the damn thing and never gave me my papers. So I paid $26 for 3 newspapers and burnt mailbox. So, Bread, I’m sorry, I’m not interested.”

(Caller) “Ok, plays hole for a minute why I take your card for information.”

(Me) tapping phone with finger - “Hello? Is this thing on? Bread? I don’t want to hole for a minute while you take my card, my card isn’t going anywhere. I-DO-NOT-WANT-YOU-CALLING-ME.”

I then hung up the phone. Again, why can’t someone FROM The Idaho Statesman call me? Do they really have to outsource? I’m sure the BIGGEST NEWSPAPER IN IDAHO knows about our economic state. This confuses me.

Second phone call:

(Me) “Hello?”
(Caller) “Hello? Is this Sahnd”?
(Me) “No, Sahnd isn’t here right now.”
(Caller) “Hello, is this Sahnd.”
(Me) “No, who is this?”
(Caller) “I’m sahddy, I’m calling for Sahnd”
(Me) “Sahnd is gone and she won’t be back, who is this?”
(Caller) “I’m Tina and I’m calling for Sahnd”

REALLY?? Tina??

(Me) “Ok, Tina? Sahnd isn’t available.”
(Caller) “I’m happy to offer special grahnt for being here.”

What the hell did this woman smoke this morning?

(Me) “For being where? I don’t want a grant. However if you are willing to give me my job back, I’m willing to listen.”
(Caller) fake laugh “Ooohhh, you dunt work?”
(Me) “I did! But a very big company in India took my job because apparently the people of India know more about American Citizens and their Medicare needs than we do, so now I’m unemployed. So I don’t need a grant, I need a job, and unless you know of someone who can do that for me, I’m not interested in talking to you anymore.”
(Caller) “Ohhkaa, I cannot offer job but you provide meh your checking account and grahnt will pay for the school.”
(Me) “No, no checking account information will be exchanged today, but I will give Sahnd a message and let her know that you called.”
(Caller) “I will thank you for calling.”

I hung up.

I should feel guilty for acting like such a bitch, but I’d be lying if I said I was sorry for acting so childish. I’m not into being scammed, and I’m not interested in giving anyone in India my services. I’m not prejudiced. But I do have a bad taste in my mouth and I am the last person to have any sympathy for their economy over there.

Today is one of those days. My ‘nice girl’ pants have been misplaced. I should probably find them before my family disowns me and makes me sit in timeout.