Monday, May 10, 2010

Barbee, For The Rest of Us

I had an idea for a doll. 

Growing tired of seeing Barbie and friends plaster the shelves at local toy stores, I started wondering how this doll became so popular.  She doesn’t have opposable thumbs; she can’t grab anything – ever.  Her feet are forever positioned at an angle and she apparently doesn’t own any other color of eye shadow besides blue.   Isn’t it interesting that she bends over at the waist at exactly the same height as a desk (WTF?) Exactly!  All her friends are just as brain dead as she is and yet little girls everywhere love her! 

You don’t ever see a frumpy doll on the shelves.  What about a slightly overweight doll or even a short doll? There are a lot of girls out there who are vertically challenged.  Better yet, why can’t there be a “Flat Chested” Barbie or “Thunder Thighs” Barbie, or “Muffin Top” Barbie and even a Barbie that has a slight hint of cellulite on her cheeks? 

That’s real.  I would believe that. 

After that minor brain fart, I concluded that it would be fun to create a faux doll, loosely based off of the plastic bimbo little girls everywhere fantasize being like.  My dolls (or idea of what they would look like) would represent real life.  (No, I’m not jealous of an 11.5” doll).  Shut up!  I’m not!

I know everybody and his or her brother has come up with an idea at one point in time for Barbie or what she should look like or portray.  I’m not claiming to the be the first.  I’m simply just voicing my distaste for perfection and lollipops and pink cars.  I’m a thinker outside of the boxer girl and I like pushing the envelope. 

I’m absolutely certain that if I were given a doll like this to play with, I would have endured fewer beatings from my older sister and would not have spent my awkward pre-teen years fully clad in a mullet and hi-top shoes.

Meet “Kiss My Ass” Barbee™. 

The ‘No-Nonsense’ Barbee™ who doesn’t put up with anything. 
For the strut walking, mouthy, hard as nails, tell it like it is woman.
“Kiss My Ass” Barbee comes with everything you see here, including attitude.
 Co-Dependant Family is sold separately.

I like her. 


  1. Love it! I can think of several other “Barbee” dolls I'd like to see. Like the Malibu Barbee who looks like a leather suitcase because she has been tanning for the last 40 years. And the Menopause Barbee, complete with an estrogen patch and battery operated hand fan. I could go on, but I won't.
    I look forward to your next edition.

  2. NBNIMBLE: Thanks! Oh, my mind is a toy store right now. I'm really liking the 'Menopause Barbee'. LOL. I busted out laughing on that one.

  3. How about erectile dysfunctional Ken who gets to take Viagra. And, LSMFT Barbie.

  4. Hanta: I could start a "Special Edition" Barbee and call it the "Geriatric Series".


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