Getting off track...

So I'm going to get off my soap box regarding unemployment for a bit and focus on my bigger issue: I can't run.  Really.  It's fairly similar to watching a 9 month old taking their first steps.  OK, maybe not that cute, but I really feel like the "athletic" gene completely skipped me.  I've been trying to do this walk/run regimen since March and I'm severely struggling to place one foot in front of the other.  

So I went out and purchased the Nike+ pack and a smashing new pair of Nike+ shoes.  I came home, hooked my Nike+ up to my iPod and downloaded this great workout program.  I was going to become a runner in 12 weeks!  TWELVE WEEKS!!  Are you serious?  It's that simple?  Riiiight. Here's what really happened.  (**insert "Eye of the Tiger" theme music**) I placed my special Nike armband around my meaty arm, put on my smashing new shoes, and placed my ear phones snug into my ears.  I grabbed my cell phone and selected "begin workout".  This really charming lady came into my head and said "Beginning Workout".  Oooh how nice.  I have a narrator.  Fabulous!  Then I hyper-extended my knee.  I'm 32 and literally cannot walk/run 3 miles without injuring myself!  

So here I am, 3 months later, a hyper-extended knee and flat-footed as a platypus, and I am just now realizing, I am severely out of shape.  So how do people do it?  I'm learning to run through the pain (ie. shin splints and side cramps), however I can't seem to get my breathing down and I'm spending a ton of time and energy trying to keep my ear phones in my ears, and keeping my shorts from crawling up my thunder thighs.   

I am desperate to be able to run a full 1/4 mile without having to stop and pick up my lungs. Running is hard, and I'm exhausted!