We ARE the Champions

If I were a sports columnist and I had to write an article about the 2010 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, it would pale in comparison to the hypocritical, BSC-biased opinions of those who work for ESPN or those whom possibly offer lip-service to the BCS guru’s. In fact, it’s pretty safe to say that I am a full-blown Boise State supporter and absolutely thrive on the invalid opinions of the Kirk Herbstreits (ESPN Sports Caster) and the Gene Wojciechowskis (ESPN Sports Columnist). If I were a sports columnist and if my opinion mattered, I would absolutely have no problem slapping the cold hard facts in Mr. Herbstreits or Mr. Wojciechowskis face. See, the issue here is, these ritzy over-paid sports commentators or journalists deem it fit to ridicule legitimate sports programs like the Boise State Broncos, only because we don’t have a fancy-schmancy BCS backing behind our name.

We don’t get the recognition and non-biased opinion that we deserve based on talent and academics alone – no, instead we get compared to schools like Alabama (the BCS poster child). Well if you would like to get technical, of course we aren’t Alabama, or Florida, or USC for that matter (thank God). We never will be that ‘caliber’ as we are not given the chance to show what our program is made of. The BCS is for the ‘elite’, the ‘prime’, the ‘second to none’ - sorry, I’ll speak English – in other words, the BCS is a special club, made up by a bunch of grouchy old men who thought it would be important to categorize a select few programs such as the SEC, PAC 10, BIG EAST etc. and only allow those ball programs play for what is known as the “BCS National Championship Bowl Series”. Everyone else, in the minds of most, aren’t even worthy of a BCS Bowl because they aren’t part of “the cool kids”.

So, because we are the redheaded stepchildren, our stats and our facts don’t matter. We don’t get a “pat on the back” article; instead, we get “that was comparable to watching paint dry…”

There is an excuse for everything with these BCS lovers that are out there. It doesn’t matter that we are #1 in the Nation in Offense for points per game (that would be 44.2 in case you were wondering). It doesn’t matter that our Defense is #1 in the Nation for most interceptions (25 to be exact). While we ranked 13^th in points allowed per game and our opponent, TCU was ranked #1. We ended up winning the game, keeping TCU to just 10 points and completely shutting down their offense with 3 interceptions, one of which resulted in a ‘pick six’. Our punter was 1/1 for pass completions to our tight end as well. However, I’m not allowed to mention that because that’s known (in ESPN land) as “trickery”. Mind you, if USC were to successfully pull off a fake-punt option, that would be known as “a well thought out play call” by their coach, Pete Carrol.

All I have read, watched and listened to today is arrogant, mindless nonsense regurgitate out of the mouths of the over-paid BCS supporters in how Boise State won by “pulling out their bag of tricks” and how we got “lucky”.

The fact of the matter is Boise State and TCU were selected by the BCS to play in the 2010 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl last night. Both teams portrayed a fierce competition in the battle of defenses and while it wasn’t the 2007 Fiesta Bowl that everyone wanted to see; Boise State out-played and out-coached who could arguably be the #1 NCAA Football team in the Nation.

I’m not a columnist. I’m not a college football guru and I don’t even pretend to understand the legalities and rules outlined when it comes to the BCS. I am, however, a huge Boise State fan and I am proud of our boys! Great job Boise State!

Happy New Year

What to say, what to say. Well it’s the beginning of a New Year and I suppose I should be like any other typical human being and list out the impossible “New Years Resolutions” that people do. You know… lose weight, eat healthier, create world peace, and adopt a pet. However, as many times as I try, I am never able to stick to my New Years Resolutions. So this year I’ve decided to stick with something simple. Ready? My New Years Resolution is to “BE MORE CAREFUL”. It’s no secret that I am accident-prone, so this seems like a logical choice to make in selecting my resolution for the New Year.

The Sunday before Christmas my fiancé and I were invited up to a friends cabin for some sledding, snowmobiling and fun. Of course we will go! I had ‘never-worn before’ gear - which I had purchased two years ago for such an occasion. I am an adrenaline junkie and I love going fast, so naturally I was excited to see the massive hill that was nicely groomed just for sledding purposes. The company I was with thought it to be a good idea if we made a jump for the sleds, that way we could not only possibly break our necks, but also do it while drinking Hot Buttered Rums! So there I sat next to my friend, sipping on my 2000 calorie drink and observing the men grunt and applaud their sled-jump efforts. Video was being taken, pictures were being snapped and drunken cheers were coming from those of us who weren’t yet intoxicated enough to attempt the potential body cast that would result in one wrong landing.

Finally, my fiancé and my best friend were encouraging me to give it a shot. Oh what the hell, why not – right? I’m warm, feeling fuzzy, absolutely cannot let a bunch of boys show me up and besides, girls can do anything boys can do right? I climbed the hill, positioned my waxed - Styrofoam sled between my legs and squatted down. My new gear, as fashionable as it was, didn’t exactly allow me to perform as gracefully as I would have liked, but I managed to let my legs go and have my hiney cushion the blow onto the sled. One of the boys stayed on top of the hill to guide me in my sled steering and give me a bit of a push. And off I went, twisting, turning, snow flying everywhere, the jump is getting closer and closer – my heart is racing and without missing a beat the words just flowed out of my mouth, “F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, F*CK!!!” Tttthhhhwop!!!! I hit the jump, maybe cleared about 3 inches off the ground, landed on my tooshy and watched my sled make its way down the rest of the hill without me. That’s it? That’s what I was nervous about? Shoot, get me back up there; I can do better than that! So I did, four more times, with each jump getting easier and easier and still not able to clear the amount of air that the boys were doing. But I did it! I didn’t wuss out, I proved my point, and I played the same game and accomplished a huge feat!

The rest of our day consisted of snowmobiling (in which I apparently am not equipped to do as I spent most of the time falling off the machine rather than staying on), we found a 30-ft tree that ended up being butchered until there was practically nothing left, we drank copious amounts of hot-buttered rums and we finished the day tired, sore and content.

Fast forward to the Sunday after Christmas. I spent the previous week complaining of a pinched nerve in my back, only to find out that my heroine experience on the sledding hill left me with a herniated disc and whiplash. Yes, a hospital emergency room visit, x-rays, MRI’s, 2 doses of Valium and 2 doses of painkillers later, and I am completely immobile. For the last 9 days, I have been sentenced to my recliner with no ability to move my neck, my arm or my back. I rang in the New Year with a donut pillow, muscle-relaxers, painkillers and a bruised ego.

This is the reason why I have chosen my New Years Resolution to be “more careful”. I have learned in these last 9 days, that an injury (albeit repairable) as frustrating as this is a valuable lesson. I don’t do well with being ordered around, I am not the type of person that wishes to rely on others, and I’m not a patient woman. All of these quirks have been tested and therefore it is pretty apparent that this is the only body I’m going to get. I can’t trade it in for a new one. I can’t upgrade for a newer model, and if I abuse what has been given to me, I’m responsible for the outcome. I may not be as lucky next time.

Happy New Year Everyone! I wish everyone good health and great happiness for this New Year.

Learning new things...

Wow!  I’m on a roll!  I cannot believe it’s November when it seems like just a couple days ago I was complaining about my eating habits (or lack thereof).  Ok, so what have I learned in the past few weeks? 

Well, I’ve learned that I like red wine…who knew?  Also, when carving ginormous pumpkins, an electric saw works great!  However, be cautioned that you will find pumpkin juice in places you never dreamed!

I’ve learned that I absolutely could care less about pool chemicals, even though that is my job – and doing public relations with people who cannot look you in the eye when talking to you and every other word out of their mouth is “Well…you know…?”  Are grounds for stabbing yourself with a fork.  It was a lunch meeting – red wine wasn’t allowed.

I learned that Pee Wee playoff games are extremely stressful, and it’s very hard convincing eighteen 9-year old boys that a 5-1-1 record is a fantastic record; and team parties planned for 10 in the morning should have a breakfast menu – not a boiled hot dog and soda pop menu.  Again, no red wine.

I learned that I don’t like Nair ® and I think it’s important that you read the directions on any bottle that claims CREAM can remove unwanted hair in 6 minutes!  Had plenty of red wine to numb the pain!!

I witnessed my son’s first pimple.  And when he asked me “Mom what is this?” And I said, “Well baby, it looks like a pimple.”  His response was “Oh, well at least it’s not a ZIT!”  I laughed so hard I spit coffee out my nose!

I learned that sometimes, it’s not about the effort you put forth, but knowing when to say “At least I tried”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another Boring Post...

Has it really been over a month since I last bitched?  Wow, and so much has happened.  I’ve probably done 42 loads of dishes, 22 loads of laundry, filled my gas hog up 3 times and have consumed 12 turkey sandwiches, 1 tuna sandwich and made a really bad decision to eat a Cup-O-Noodles.  I’ve also managed to do absolutely zero workouts and have become a huge advocate for sleeping in. 

Aside from housework and attempting the world record for hitting the ‘snooze’ button the most consecutive times in the mornings (I’m at 7 now I think), I’ve been enjoying my second home at the football field; and have become a self-admitted ‘crazy side-line parent’ who stalks the sidelines at the football field during games.

In all honesty, I’ve been leaning on my cousin (a.k.a. “Drill Sergeant J”) the past few weeks to help me through this hurdle that I call food.   I asked him for help earlier this month when I realized that it had been over a month since I last attempted a workout.  In addition to that it was brought to my attention that my energy levels are low because I was completely unaware that coffee, cigarettes and caffeine pills were not part of the 4 major food groups.  Drill Sergeant J. has had me on an “assignment” of sorts, to track the foods I ate in a day and email him my progress for 6 days.  Of course, like any good student, I completely re-arranged my thinking and made a very valid attempt at finding foods that could keep my mouth occupied 6 times a day. 

This is harder than it sounds people.  We’re talking about someone who’s daily breakfast used to be 5 cups of coffee and a cigarette.  Lunch was either a well-balanced meal or nothing at all, and dinner was usually leftovers of what my son wouldn’t eat.

My current battle is getting my stomach to agree to my new diet.  I’m assuming since I’m not used to being so nice to my body, that my stomach has decided to go on strike since I now have been limited to non-wheat, non-spicy, non-fatty foods.  Some would call this a medical issue, however I’m assuming since these foods didn’t bother me before, I’m narrowing it down to a mild “tummy temper tantrum” in the way of vomiting and severe cramping.  Too much information, I know. 

I haven’t been very pro-active in my blogging, thinking I won’t be receiving any nominations this year for “Best Author”, that’s OK though, I’ll put that non-award right up there with “Best Mom”, “Best Daughter”, “Best Employee” and “Best Wal-Mart Shopper”. 

So focus this month is: writing more, eating healthier and avoiding “Drill Sergeant J” (at least until I’m able to lose some un-wanted weight) so my BMI assessment he is insistent on doing, won’t be as traumatic.  I’m off to make something bland and un-exciting for dinner.  

Do these pants make me look fat?

I would like to know how one obtains energy, in regards to my serious problem with laziness.  I’m not talking about the un-willingness to clean my house or go to work lazy.  Or the “lay on the couch all day” lazy, no it’s the “I can’t get my extra large ass in gear to do my workouts” lazy.  This was so much easier when I didn’t have a job.  I could do my scheduled workout at my leisure, and get everything else done that requires my attention.  Now my main goal is to make it to work on time and make sure my son has clean clothes to wear to school.  Between work, household chores, football and breathing, my mind is already made up when I even think about dressing down for a workout, it’s saying “Hell no we won’t go!”

Do you ever have those moments when you think you are on the right track and something as simple as a comment, or a picture or, I don’t know, your own reflection can make you stop dead in your tracks and your mind immediately goes into “what the hell was I thinking” mode?

Well I was finally able to get my hair done yesterday.  I haven’t been in to see my stylist since February and my disaster that I was wearing for hair was in desperate need of some TLC.  After a 2-hour bought with shampoo, conditioner, color and scissors I came out looking fresh and sophisticated.  I wore the “Yeah I know I’m cute” look all the way to my Dad’s house and felt so much better about driving with my windows down.  My Dad being my Dad said he loved my hair, so naturally he decided to take pictures – yeah flashing back to my little kid years when he would catch me on the toilet sticking my tongue out at him.  So after our visit I headed home and flipped open my laptop.  I went straight to my favorite book (Facebook) and there it was.  This horrid picture of me … and my 14 chins.  I hadn’t realized that I invited them along.  I was so wrapped up in my new “cuteness” that I didn’t see them just hanging there for everyone to look at!  “Oh look at the girl with the cute hair – and her chins are with her! Everyone look at the girl with chins!”  What’s even worse is my Dad actually thinks that his new camera is doing me some favor.  Yeah, if he stood across the street and took the picture, maybe.  But no, he had to put his super duper heavy-duty ultra “let me get all the pores on your face” lens on.  There truly is nothing worse than seeing a picture of yourself and thinking, “do I really look like that?”  Why didn’t someone tell me?  You are your own worst critic, I get that.  But seriously people.

So, it was at this precise moment that I realized that, aside from mental counseling, I’m in need of some treadmill therapy, or fat camp.  Probably both.  For now, I’m going to go sulk and tuck my chins in for the night.

 

Mom of the Year!

I know I mentioned in one of my blogs a while back that I wasn’t one to talk or write about my child.  It’s not because I don’t think he isn’t the most amazing kid e-v-e-r, it’s simply the point that a lot of people out there write about how wonderful their kids are and quite frankly, I don’t want to lose my reputation of being a thoughtless bitch.  So, on that note, I’m so going to win “Mom of the Year” this year.  I just know it!  In order for one to be awarded such a high honor, you truly need to be on top of your game.  I know, I know, I exude kindness and such a loving attitude, you’re not surprised – I can’t blame you.   

So here it is.  If you Mom’s out there want to know how to achieve such a feat, simply follow these simple acts of love and kindness:

1)   Forget to pick your child up at school at LEAST 4 different times during the school year.  And to make it especially fantastic, make sure you make your child wait long enough so his teacher has to call to remind you to come get him.  Awesome!

2)   Completely lose your cool and temper and ramble off mindless nonsense when he sprays your charcoal drawing with Pledge.  As an added bonus, cry about it.

3)   Forget to feed him dinner, at minimum, 3 times a week. 

4)   When school starts, make certain you do not buy any school supplies until the day after.  Kids totally dig showing up the 1^st day with no school supplies.

5)   Completely space the fact that school is starting and let it escape your mind that new school clothes are a necessity.  Instead, throw a dirty pair of shorts in the wash and tell them because they are clean, it’s almost better than new clothes!

If you follow these easy tasks, in no time you will be quite possibly the best Mom ever! 

Ok, for real, I’m an asshole.  With my loss of my old job and the stress of my new job, I have recently realized that I have been quite possibly, the worst Mom this past year!  I truly cannot afford to pay attention, and to boot; I’ve become such a hypocrite! The above is just a small sample of my inattentiveness.  The most recent action came last week when he started Pee-Wee Football.  Anyone who has played football knows that the first week is considered “hell” week.  You work your ass off and begin to regret the decision to beg your parents to put you in the coolest sport out there! 

The last day of practice was the icing on the cake.  He just finished a 2-mile run and a grueling round of push-ups, flutter kicks, sit-ups and up-downs in 100-degree weather with a helmet and pads on.  When the coach (my fiancé) released the boys for a water break, my son came walking up to me, barely able to move one foot in front of the other.  Mind you, I was the one sitting on my ass on nice cushy blanket with ice water.   Anyway - I was waiting there with a jug full of water to pour over him, and in a regrettable moment he says to me “Don’t touch me, I’m tired and fed up and don’t want to be me anymore!”  I immediately transformed into psycho Mom  and said, “Excuse me? Don’t touch you?  Look little man, you wanted to play football!  This is the last day of hell week and need to just suck it up!  Oh, and for future reference, you don’t get to talk to me like that!”  He apologized, hugged me and walked away with his head down. 

It was at that moment that I realized that my son was simply exhausted and felt completely defeated.  Something that I have felt all summer long.  I had no reason to yell at him, especially since I can barely do a lap around the block, let alone 2-miles in the sickening heat!  My guilt has completely overwhelmed me and I’ve come to the realization that I am a huge hypocrite, in need of a major attitude adjustment.  I started reflecting on the past year and can honestly say, that I have been an absolute creep to deal with.  It was with this epiphany that I have decided I am a definite contender for “Mom of the Year”.  With my unbelievable ability to snap like a twig, space off everything of importance and reprimand my child for not “being tough” in hellish conditions, these are all qualities that a loving, caring Mother possesses! 

So, for the record; my son is quite possibly the most exhilarating child a Mom could ask for.  And sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve him.  He puts up with a lot from me.  And I would like to take this time, to thank him – for putting up with me.

Warning! Warning Will Robinson!

Is there a point to this blog? No.  You’ve been forewarned. 

While walking the track at my son’s Peewee Football camp with my friend, she asked me how my day was and in the course of 30 minutes, I did nothing but regurgitate bitterness.  On my drive home I realized that I am one bitchy, moody, irritable cat who is in dire need of some rehab. For some reason, this new job is really kicking my ass, which is leading to my lack of workouts, which is causing me to be more susceptible to homicidal tendencies when Mother Nature decides to visit.  My stress level is at maximum occupancy right now and if I don’t get a handle on the whistling kettle that is going off in my head, I’m liable to do some real damage to the next heifer that shoves me out of a lane at Wal-Mart. 

Who decided that it would be an ideal thing for women to have to give up a week, every month of their life and dedicate it to Midol, chocolate and psycho wards?  I think every box of Tampax should come with emergency straight jackets so we don’t cause injury to others during a fit of rage.  Or is it just me?  I haven’t quite figured out as well, why men (some, not all) think it’s appropriate to make such comments as “Wow, someone is PMS’ing” or “Someone’s on the rag”.  No, Mr. F@ck Tard, it’s called a menstrual cycle and your mouth shouldn’t write checks your body can’t cash.  Just saying…. And since when are woman not allowed to be cranky?  Do we have to be menstruating in order to have a moment?  Can’t we just be in a bad mood?  Is that not allowed anymore? 

I completely understand now why I’ve been so damn tired and lethargic. (What gave it away right?)  I chalked it up to my new job and my new found awareness of how draining stupid people are; but it wasn’t that at all!  See I should be used to the evil that invades my personal space (once a month), after all I have dealt with it for many years.  But for some reason I blank out and for half of the month my mind goes into lock-down mode and “Phoebe the Airhead” comes out to play –yes, I’m talking about Aunt Flo.  Mood Swings, bloating, absent mindedness, irritability, lower back pain, cramps, sore gingersnaps, headaches, fatigue, and in my case, green foam spewing out of the mouth, mild turrets syndrome and the overall inability to function on all levels.

I didn’t just pick up my laptop and decide to bitch about female issues, this all stems from re-knobs that I deal with daily as well as from the cashier at Walgreens, who apparently found amusement in my tampax, chocolate and Midol purchase.  But is he judged when he buys beer, condoms and hemorrhoid cream?  Probably not!  In addition to my frustration, this issue is becoming detrimental to my workout progress.  I’m struggling – severely – with finding motivation when I feel like the “State-Puff-Marshmallow Man”.

I think I need some wall to wall therapy.